BILATERAL RELATIONSHIPS

It all started with Mr. He-Eye. Relaxing one day he happened to see Miss She-Eye. Well, to be entirely honest she wasn’t the first one he saw. He’d seen a great deal many girls before and she wasn’t even the most beautiful. In fact, he’d seen and drooled over both the Breast Sisters and had just come from admiring the landscape of the hip region of the foreign country when he set his eye on She-Eye. But what struck him about her was her piercing gaze. She looked right into him, as if he’d been no more than a window. It felt totally unacceptable to him! Here was the head of public relations in the country of Adam, quite used to power and the notion of being in control and today someone had robbed him of that feeling. So what did he do? Well, he did what any self respecting man of authority would do when he met with his match; he fell in love with her.

Mr. He-Eye immediately resolved to get Miss She-Eye. It was going to be easy, all he had to do was write a letter to Mr. Brain and attach some pictures of the landscape of Miss She-Eye’s country, Eve, to do some convincing. Mr. Brain was initially sceptical, however, and directed that Mr. Mouth should engage with Eve’s people and get to know more about them. Mr. Mouth introduced himself on behalf of the people of Adam and went on to negotiate with Miss Mouth. It was at this point that he realised he had a lot in common with Miss Mouth and instantly fell in love with her. Now he wanted to get Miss Mouth and concurred with Mr. He-Eye that a bilateral relationship should be started immediately. Miss Mouth thought she could help them in that. She talked to Miss Brain who agreed to send an encoded message to Mr. Brain. To be honest with you, I got this story second hand myself so I don’t quite know everything that was in the message. But some of the excerpts, previously classified, are right below

“Oh, my God! I have exactly the same hobbies!… yeah, I like the colour blue too… I know right? We have so much in common!… I think you’re cute…”

The message was encrypted personally by Miss Mouth and sent directly to Mr. Brain’s personal communications terminal, The EARS. Mr. Brain was immediately convinced! Satisfied that a bilateral relationship was feasible, he directed that they begin one.

The two countries had a cordial relationship. They met for trade conferences called “dates” where they discussed issues about and between them and figured out ways of improving the relationship. You should have seen He-Eye and She-Eye! Oh, my days! There was this thing that She-Eye always did with her lashes that He-Eye never got enough of. As for Mr. Mouth and his counterpart they had discovered that they had a way of communicating ideas directly through a technique known as “kissing”. The two never lacked ideas and such fast data transfer proved invaluable. However, I’d be lying if I said they used the technique moderately. With time they perfected it and adapted it for use by multiple members of both countries. The chief item of trade between Adam and Eve was “feelings” and it became possible to trade them directly through another new technique known as “touching”. With time improvements came, such as “caressing” and the latest, “fondling”.

Eventually, He-Eye and She-Eye decided to get married. They called the marriage “gaze”. Mouth and Mouth soon became Mr. and Mrs. Mouth in a show of solidarity and their marriage was fondly called “kiss” in memory of the innovation they had created.Intermarriages thereafter became more frequent between the two countries. Mr. Hand married Miss Hand. Though it must be said he was one promiscuous fellow, having had affairs with, among others, The Breast sisters, Miss Thigh, Miss Victoria and, on occasion, even Miss Ass! Well to be frank Miss Hand didn’t seem to mind and she wasn’t the epitome of fidelity either, having been known to have long trysts with Mr. Victor. So I suppose they were well matched. I guess? Speaking of Mr. Victor…

Mr. Victor didn’t fall in love with Miss Victoria immediately. After all, he didn’t see her immediately. He first raised his head to have a good look at Miss Ass when Mr. He-Eye sent him an email describing her. Later Mr. Eye sent him numerous descriptions of other Evine (meaning belonging to the country of Eve) women such as the Breast sisters and Miss Thigh. But none of them compared to Miss Victoria when he finally met her. It was during a special testing of the “fondling” technique that involved a preliminary protocol called “stripping”. He was so stunned when he first set eyes on Miss Victoria that he stood there petrified, just like a rock. He literally turned stiff in astonishment! That’s when he made up his mind that he was going to make her his. She wasn’t easy though, and he tried multiple times to no avail. Gradually, she decided to give him a chance. They got married, and theirs was called “sex”.

The greatest of them all was the marriage between King Heart and Queen Heart. Their marriage was named “love”. They directed the countries to join and form one country with the Prime Ministers of each i.e Mr. and Mrs. Brain joining to rule the new country. This new country was fondly named “Union”, though the citizens gave it the pet name “Couple”… That’s how much of the story I was told. I’m told the country still exists. And oh, wouldn’t I love to visit it…

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